The new year is fast approaching and I am in a high state of planning out my perfection that I hope, as I do every year, will magically transpire at midnight. I fell short of nearly all of my 2012 resolutions, but nonetheless feel inspired to resolve once again to be more balanced, more mature, and above all else, more glamorous. So here are my goals for 2013:
1. I resolve to regain a balance in my eating and exercising habits. Only three out of the last 12 months were spent getting fit, and this has provided prime opportunities of self-loathing. For me it’s not so much a weight issue as it is a discipline issue. It’s no secret that I love food (I blame my Italian genes), but seriously, if it’s in front of me, I eat it, regardless of whether I’m hungry or not. This would not be problematic if I exercised regularly, but too often I yield to laziness, and that’s just not acceptable. It’s time I get a grip.
2. Last year, I resolved to learn more about three specific subjects: photography, the Italian language and wine. I did buy a nice camera and used it at a few strategic moments throughout the year, but I am no closer to having a clue about how the thing actually works. And despite the best of intentions, I ignored the Italian language as much as I ignored my workout dvd’s. The trip to Italy that was to spur my motivation didn’t happen and I let the dream die all too easily. But I have added a few Italian grammar books to my collection, so I’m hoping that the motivation, as well as the trip, will experience a resurrection. Happily, I did get halfway through my ”Wine for Dummies” book, but unhappily, I cannot remember 98% of what I read. The adjectives alone are too much to absorb: tannic, mineral, woodsy (seriously, who do winos think they are?). However, I did manage to learn that the Pacific Northwest's Yakima and Willamette Valleys produce a mean Pinot Noir, so now I can sound learned next time I find myself sitting at my favorite restaurant in Portland. (Saucebox, if you were wondering.)
The coming year’s self-education topics are art history and the Cold War. If I could do the college thing all over again, I would probably choose a major in art history. My impatience and inattention to detail aside, I think I would have really enjoyed working in art restoration. I imagine a life spent traveling the world, restoring beautiful cathedrals, temples, palaces and paintings.... And the Cold War is a point of fascination for me mostly because I don’t know anything about it. Every history class I’ve ever taken hasn’t proceeded beyond Vietnam. It’s just one big gaping hole in my understanding of the world I live in.
3. In an effort to subdue my own consumerism, I have vowed to not buy any new clothes for six months. This is going to be a challenge because I genuinely love clothes and experience great joy in buying new things to wear. However, I look in my closet and see so many items that I hardly ever use, and not because I don’t like them. So the other day I ransacked my wardrobe, packed about a third of it into plastic bags and gave it to Second Hand. Between January 1 and June 30 I will have to be content with what I have.
4. Journaling is something I wish I were better at, but I am lazy. Blogging has become my new system of recording my thoughts about different things, but there are so many other things that I act upon, think about and react to on a daily basis that I never write down. And these are things I know I will appreciate reading about five years from now. To be reminded, amazed, amused and challenged. So I resolve to journal my way through 2013.
5. And finally, the part where I resolve to ”grow.” I want to be more authentic. In my head, I am bold, provocative, eloquent, and unafraid to say exactly what I mean. In reality I can be timid, lame, awkward and a bit circular in my communication in an effort to be diplomatic (which is just not a characteristic I have, so why do I insist on trying?). I don’t remember if I’ve always been this way, but I’ve definitely become this way in my efforts to adapt to varying cultural norms. My backbone has turned to cartilage. This makes me disappointed in and upset with myself, because I know that in my core, I am not that way. I can be bold, I can be provocative, I can be direct. (I’m from New York for Christ’s sake!) But I’ve been away for too long and strongly desire to find my way back to being feisty, frank, honest and straightforward. I once heard in a song the phrase ”Live in New York once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in LA once, but leave before it makes you soft.” That’s very true. So it’s no more miss nice girl from now on. I will be kind, fair and loving. But I will also be straight up, uncompromising in my conviction and unafraid to step on toes if I have to. Watch out y'all.
So that’s how my year is going to look. Ask me in March how I’m doing.....
