I suppose it’s late for me to start voicing thoughts about the #MeToo campaign, but neither do I have that much to say about it, truthfully. I’ve stayed peripherally aware of the goings on, and I certainly champion the idea that it’s time for despicable male behavior to be called out and publicly condemned. I also applaud the tremendous bravery that women have shown in voicing their painful experiences for the sake of future generations of women. That said, I do have reservations about the extreme degree to which the pendulum has swung, because I fear it will only swing back to the opposite extreme once the fervor has cooled and/or persecuted parties get fed up (rightly or wrongly).
I almost feel ashamed to admit this in the face of so much female long-suffering, but I’ve never been the victim of abuse, harassment or blatant discrimination by any man - and apparently this makes me the exception. I’ve never been given a reason to hate or distrust men, and I credit my family for that gift. I am a granddaughter to men of kindness and decency, a daughter to a man of integrity and perseverance, a sister to a man of profound emotional courage. I am also a friend to many many good men - men of great intelligence, empathy, conviction, love, humor and generosity; single, married, old and young.
Because so many voices are already addressing the evil, I want to lend my voice to affirm the good. There are so many guys out there who don’t know how to be proper men. But there are so many who do. So here’s my love letter to all you decent, kind hearted, secure, responsible, protective, encouraging blokes out there:
Thank you for respecting me, even after having seen me at my worst.
Thank you for not feeling threatened or competitive when interacting with me in a professional capacity.
Thank you for noticing and affirming my giftings without flattery or flirtation.
Thank you for allowing me to be ‘one of the guys’ without chiding me to toughen up. You’ve allowed me to be myself without making me feel less than.
Thank you for making me laugh and teaching me not to take myself too seriously.
Thank you for seeing the leader in me and for giving me a chance to prove myself. Thanks also for not forcing me to prove myself in order to be worth something.
Thank you for giving me a place at the table, whether that be your kitchen table or your corporate table.
Thank you for liking my cooking.
Thank you for being my travel companions and sharing the thrill of discovering new places.
Thank you for opening the door for me and paying for meals once in a while. I actually think it’s really nice to be cared for in that way.
Thank you for being honest about your feelings. They haven’t always been in sync with mine, but we’ve been able to rise above it and not let our friendship suffer. That means so much in the long run.
If I ever have a daughter, I will teach her to befriend men like you, to affirm men like you, to love men like you.
Not all men have behaved well around me, but they fade in my memory; you are forever etched. Again, thanks guys. You may not know who you are, but I certainly do.
