Monday, September 2, 2013

Faking it: The art of making people think you know what you’re talking about when you have no idea what you’re talking about.

For the past three years I’ve been working as a teacher and was just recently hired to teach two subjects I’ve never taught before. I felt really apprehensive about it at first, because how in the world was I supposed to stand in front of a class of 32 teenagers and speak on things I know not of? But now, a couple of weeks into the term, I’m feeling pretty good about the whole thing. It’s not quite so bad. Which begs the question: Am I that good at faking it or are my students really that easily duped? I already think highly of their intelligence, so I’m going to go with the first option: I must be really good at faking it. 

How do I pull this off? Well, beside reading up on the topic a few days before the lesson and dazzling them with my supa dupa Power Points (thank you Google Images), I follow these five simple rules: 

Rule number one: You’ve gotta look good. This will take your audience’s attention off of what they’re hearing and on to what they’re seeing. And if you’re a female teaching a group of mostly males, turn on the charm and milk it for all it’s worth. In a classy way of course. 

Rule number two: Maintain animated body language. If you move your hands fast enough, the audience will grow dizzy and forget to pay attention to what you’re saying. 

Rule number three:  If someone asks a question you don’t know the answer to, bounce the question back to the whole group and pray that someone else will know the answer. If that doesn’t work, be honest about your ignorance, but in an authoritative way. If you sound apologetic, you’ll lose your credibility. The credibility you don’t have, technically...

Rule number four: Take advantage of all your contacts and bring in ”guest lecturers” to conduct your lessons whenever possible. This will give you major ”cool” points since you know so many smart and interesting people. And then you’ll be smart by association. 

Rule number five: If all else fails, crack a joke and change the subject. And refer to rule number one.

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